Experience report from the Domina Course Domina School - The Heiresses of Marquis de Sade.
In sexuality, inclinations are very individual and also change over the years. Nevertheless, judgements about what is normal and what is not are quickly made. But this does not do justice to anyone. A visit to the Domina School in Switzerland makes this clear.
A large room, dimmed, reddish lighting, a sofa there, a St. Andrew's cross on the wall with hand and foot cuffs there, and a trolley with various utensils at the back. This is how the course room in Zurich presents itself. Today the Marquisede Bâle receives an in-depth lesson on the topics of foot fetish and lacing in the genital area. Lady Kleopatress, a dominatrix in training, takes part in the course as an observer. Course instructor Tom welcomes both ladies in a friendly manner and asks the Marquise to take a seat on the throne.
The submissive "house slave" David has made himself available for the lesson as a testimonial, kneeling on the floor in front of the Marquise. The first thing the Marquise does is to put a collar with a chain on David; hand and foot cuffs are not used during the lesson. She immediately asks David if the collar is too tight - then turns to Lady Kleopatress and adds "I only do that to him now because we know each other. With my usual guests I don't care at all". Instructor Tom sits next to the throne and begins with some theory about the composition of the clientele. It is important to distinguish between demonstratively voluntary and forced domination. There are also clients who are looking for positive or negative stimulation, i.e. humiliation. Especially with customers in the area of foot fetishism, one always has to clarify beforehand what kind of fetish it is - is it about the foot itself or about the shoe or simply about the material or the symbolism (kicking with the feet). David slides back and forth a little on his knees during the whole talk and immediately the Marquise reacts and organises a yoga mat for him, as the floor is very cool - again with the hint that this is only done now in the course, never with the actual guest.
The sensual game of dominance and submission
For every dominatrix session there is a preliminary talk in which the rules of the game are clarified: What does the guest want, what is possible, what is not (also on the part of the dominatrix), and safety words are determined. If the client says "red", it is stopped immediately, while "yellow" signals that he will soon reach his limits. Nothing works without mutual agreement. Mutual respect is generally an important part of the BDSM scene, which also includes femdom (female domination), even if it is not the first thing you think of.
Desired rigour
The Marquise plays through several foot fetish variations with David. She has him on his knees in front of her, pulls him towards her by the chain on his collar and presses the heels of her Louboutins into his chest. Then she instructs him to kiss her shoes. "Only kiss, I don't want to see any tongue or you will be punished." Other situations and positions are briefly played out.
David is still wearing a towel around his waist, but this will be taken off for the second part of the course. For now it's time to get down to business. Sub David lies on his back in front of the throne while the Marquise and the instructor bend over him from the right and left and use a thin rope to lace his genital area. "You can also go around it a few more times," Tom instructs the Marquise. Next, the balls are separated and the rope goes between the testicles, forming a small package. Then a second rope follows, with which the penis is wrapped. The marquise is not yet satisfied and does it again. "It all has to look aesthetically pleasing. I find bondage so exciting because it looks so beautiful," she says. Many guests apparently also ask for a photo of the whole package being tied up. While she does her hand here, customers are not allowed to do that with her. She is a so-called "untouchable" dominatrix, everything between the neck and the knee is taboo.
Tom also explains to her here the possible risks and problems that can occur if she does it wrong - such as blood congestion or worse. In between, the Marquise asks the sub David how it feels for him, whether it increases sensitivity. David answers in the affirmative. The Marquise tries out other ropes and other laces, then today's class is over and all participants change back into their everyday clothes.
But what is the motivation behind this dominance game? For Sub David, it is clearly curiosity about new experiences and also getting to know people with different ideas.
People with "disorders"?
Some slaves may be important decision-makers in everyday life and feel quite comfortable just letting a dominatrix take control. Still, the first thought when someone talks about dominas or BDSM is that they must have some "disorder". However, a 2008 study (Tuliet Richters, University of New South Wales in Sydney) shows that among BDSM practitioners there are fewer people with psychological problems than the average for the general population.
Just as there are not only two sexes today, there are also many different preferences here. And some people feel pleasure in the pain of others - and vice versa. Course instructor Tom, who is himself submissive, understands his courses as feminism, as help for the sexual liberation and empowerment of women. But the feminists are not unanimous on this. While some, radical feminists completely reject any use of sexual violence, even consensual, sex-positive feminism, which accepts any kind of female sexuality, also developed. Opinions are also divided on the Marquis de Sade. The French nobleman, the namesake of sadism, described his own sexual preferences in his numerous novels - which were already not in conformity with society at the time. For some, he is an amoral monster, a corrupter of morals and youth or even a criminal, others see him as a misjudged literary genius, a champion of sexual liberation. In the BDSM field, however, contrary to de Sade, nothing happens without mutual consent and respect - just as it should be in any other area of sexuality.
The dominatrix teacher Tom Deckard
A dominatrix must know how and which feelings she can trigger and control. Tom Deckard imparts this knowledge in the Domina School.
Tom, how did you come to the subject of femdom? Tom Deckard: That has always been a part of my life. I am submissive by nature. I felt it all early on, before I even knew that there was such a thing or what a dominatrix was. Even when I was a teenager, I noticed that certain thoughts excited me - and it always had to do with a certain lady I worshipped. For me, the whole subject is something romantic, the devotion for a woman. You could roughly compare it to the knights of the round table and the ladies of the court they protected. Die Ritter haben ihr Leben in den Dienst dieser Damen gestellt, da spielte oft auch der Liebesdienst eine Rolle. Zumindest wird das so in Minnegesängen idealisiert (hohe Minne) - was zwar nicht heisst, dass dies in der Realität ständig so stattgefunden hätte. Aber wir empfinden das mit dem Dienen ähnlich: Was der Submissive tut und mit sich machen lässt, soll ein Beweis sein für die Verehrung, die Hingabe zum weiblichen Gegenüber – sowohl in privaten als auch in professionellen Sessions.
And how did the Domina School come about? A few years ago I had an aspiring dominatrix in my photo studio who still knew very little about the subject. She asked me to show her a little bit how it works. After that, I developed the basic course together with colleagues over a period of two years. In it, I provide a sound basis in all areas. This is unique in Switzerland, a domina school from the submissive point of view. Otherwise you tend to learn directly from a dominatrix, which some of my students have found to be somewhat one-sided and not very structured. In addition, many dominas don't really have the patience of a teacher and simply teach their own style instead of a neutral basis.
What does your clientele look like? Who attends your courses? This is quite different. On the one hand, there are sex workers who want to further their education or reorient themselves. Dominas do not offer sexual intercourse, many even pretend to be completely untouchable. This is also an incentive for sex workers - because they get a different kind of clientele who treat them with particular respect. I often heard this wish, especially during the pandemic, because many sex workers were under a lot of pressure. On the other hand, there are also private ladies, with or without partners, who simply want to do it for themselves or for their partner. Some take their partner with them to the courses.
Where do you see the dangers of the BDSM scene? Dangers? None externally, no one is confronted with it who does not wish to. Our principle is consensuality. On the contrary, the dominatrix, like a sex worker of course, takes on an important social function that deserves recognition. Dominas are actually therapists. They make sure that desires and inclinations are not suppressed and could thus become problematic - in one's own psyche, with one's partner or in society. The dominatrix offers a safe framework for this. Very few men dare to admit that they would like to be dominated. The suppression of one's own inclinations is the greatest danger, namely for oneself.
Your girlfriends have always supported all this? It was always possible to play a little in this area, after all, every woman likes to be pampered. But to really live it up with all facets was only possible with a few of my partners, because most of them were not really dominant. But for a few years now I have been lucky enough to serve one of my students, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
What is the best thing about your job? That I can help put women in a dominant position and break down traditional, conservative role models.